One year ago I was having a conversation with a friend. He had been curious to know how I was fairing and so I decided to explain to him what I had been going through. After a long explaining of how I had been, he challenged me that I needed to know who God really is through a deep experience. That to me did not sound right because I had always imagined that I had a true picture of who God is. I left that conversation not feeling so great about it. However, I left with a desire to understand what my friend meant by “knowing who God is”. One year down the line, I have come to realize that he was right. I realized that you really need to have an encounter with God to understand who He is; His personality. Digging deep into the word, I have come to realize that all characters of God that we know were all discovered as a result of encounters with God.
Looking at some of these characters:
Faithfulness- we realize that it just did emerge from nowhere. We get this from the encounters of example Abraham who was told to leave his homeland and go to a place that God would show his. He was further promised that he would have many descendants and that his name would be great (Genesis 12:1-3). At this time, I know it was easy for Abraham to believe that the one who was calling him was able to do it. It was just kind of easy to leave because Abraham had the means and I believe maybe he thought the blessing would be fulfilled soon. From the bible, we know that his wife was barren and therefore the promise of many descendants was a sign that God would open her womb. For these and many other reasons I believe it was easy for Abraham to believe and move to where God was promising to take him.
The challenge however came when Abraham had to receive his promises. The bible tells us that just has God had promised, He made Abraham so rich. He had so much wealth but there was no heir. I want to believe that in his mind, Abraham was thinking that God is not faithful, that He is mean and so many other negative thoughts that we get when we think that God is ‘taking too long’. This I imagine is why he was considering having Eliezer his servant as his heir (Genesis 15). So when God intervened and told Abraham that his heir would be from his body, he imagined that God was wrong to create one man for one woman. He bought into Sarah’s idea of taking in another woman and getting an heir through her.’This would fulfill the word that God would give him an heir from his body’.
But then who is God? That was not His idea of fulfilling a promise. Later God opened the womb of Sarah and she became pregnant and bore Abraham a son, an heir. So Abraham was happy but sorry (I imagine) for not being patient enough for God’s promises. Abraham now had a son and was contented that a generation would emerge from the son born from him and his legitimate wife. But it was until God, who had given him this son to him, asked him to sacrifice this son. Was God about to start the game of taking the son away and then making him start the process of waiting and believing for another son again? I imagine such kind of questions accompanied with pain and bitterness filled his heart and mind. But when he went to sacrifice his heir, God provided a lamb so Abraham offered the sacrifice and went back home with His son. However, I imagine that while on his way home, he might have left wondering what God would have him do next. Sometimes I imagine that Abraham may have lived in fear that maybe God would decided to do something different and maybe take away the son but then God proved Himself faithful because God gave him a long life to see His son get married which meant that Abraham’s lineage was continuing, a nation was emerging.
When I think of Him being merciful and forgiving, I think about the woman caught in the act. Jesus was holy, and everyone I imagine wanted to be good in His eyes. However, this woman was unfortunately caught sinning and as the society dictated, she was to be exposed and stoned. This time, the people decided to take her to Jesus so that she could be condemned. She expected condemnation or even being stoned because this according to her time was a great sin. She ‘deserved’ being stoned. However, the person who mattered most forgave her and let her free. I also thing about Mary, (commonly known as the sinful woman), with her alabaster bottle washing Jesus’ feet with her tears, drying them with her hair, kissing them and covering them with oil/perfumes when all she ‘deserved’ was being locked out and a complete separation from Jesus. Who would better explain what mercy and forgiveness is? The bible says that the debtor with a bigger debt loves the money lender more that the one with a small debt when both their debts are cancelled (Luke 7:41-43).
Talk about holiness and the Israelites will explain to you how they experienced it when they had to slaughter their brothers and sisters in the desert at Mt. Sinai after they decided to worship a calf and engage in revelry. God would not tolerate this sin and he had to deal with it else He would abandon the Israelites completely. The bible says that on that day 3000 people died (Exodus 32).
Going further, I would write about the experience of the bleeding woman who after trying all means to get healed without success experienced God as the healer by just touching the hem of His garment. About God being powerful and mighty when He separated the Red sea, Jordan and even brought down Jericho for the Israelites to receive the promises that He had given Abraham in a prove that He is faithful…. that however would mean doing so much writing. However, I pray that we would all desire to know God at a deeper level and let Him show Himself to us.
Keep growing in Him.
Tuesday, 30 September 2014
Sunday, 7 September 2014
Speaking is not enough.
Today I did not have the opportunity to go to church; however, I had the chance to watch one of the Gospel shows (Kubamba on Citizen TV) on television. While watching, there was this one song that really caught my attention. It was about bearing good fruits. The artists (Eunice Njeri & Lady J Dee) were two ladies and while one was singing it verbally, the other was doing it in sign language. I imagined that the reason why the other lady was doing the song in sign language was so that the deaf would also understand the song and maybe enjoy it and this; I thought was very good of them.
However, as I was watching the song, a thought crossed my mind. I imagined how we live our daily lives. I realized that I have always imagined that bearing good fruits or living right involves speaking about being born again. Though it is a good thing, It crossed my mind that speaking is not very important when it comes to bearing good fruits or living our salvation. I say this because I imagined how the deaf live their lives.You see, the bible was not just written for those people who can hear or speak or read or see. It was written for everyone. For the human race; anyone created by God in His own image and for the purpose of having fellowship with Him. Therefore, this meant that everyone was and is supposed to read/have the word and understand it. Furthermore, we are all expected to practice what is there.
At this point, I started wondering how these deaf and mute are able to bear good fruits. This made me realize how we as Christians have capitalized on telling our salvation rather than living it. A deaf or mute may not have the ability to speak to the world to let them know that he/she is born again. However, God expects them to be the light to those around them because God’s word is theirs too. It is not by them speaking but through their actions that others are able to tell that they are Christian.
It reminded me that God requires us to act our salvation. I know that it is not by works that we are saved but our actions-not our words- really tell who we are. The bible says that faith without actions is dead. From the way this song was sang, God helped me realize that it is not by what we say that others will know that we are born again/Christian, it is through how we act that will tell who we really are. May God help us to show it through our actions.
Thanks and God bless you.
However, as I was watching the song, a thought crossed my mind. I imagined how we live our daily lives. I realized that I have always imagined that bearing good fruits or living right involves speaking about being born again. Though it is a good thing, It crossed my mind that speaking is not very important when it comes to bearing good fruits or living our salvation. I say this because I imagined how the deaf live their lives.You see, the bible was not just written for those people who can hear or speak or read or see. It was written for everyone. For the human race; anyone created by God in His own image and for the purpose of having fellowship with Him. Therefore, this meant that everyone was and is supposed to read/have the word and understand it. Furthermore, we are all expected to practice what is there.
At this point, I started wondering how these deaf and mute are able to bear good fruits. This made me realize how we as Christians have capitalized on telling our salvation rather than living it. A deaf or mute may not have the ability to speak to the world to let them know that he/she is born again. However, God expects them to be the light to those around them because God’s word is theirs too. It is not by them speaking but through their actions that others are able to tell that they are Christian.
It reminded me that God requires us to act our salvation. I know that it is not by works that we are saved but our actions-not our words- really tell who we are. The bible says that faith without actions is dead. From the way this song was sang, God helped me realize that it is not by what we say that others will know that we are born again/Christian, it is through how we act that will tell who we really are. May God help us to show it through our actions.
Thanks and God bless you.
Friday, 5 September 2014
It is well
It was on 1st January this year and I had it all figured out. I remember walking into my former place of worship and seeing the year’s theme and I was so excited. The theme read “Break camp, Advance and Possess.” This seemed like a confirmation of what I believed was coming right and it was so exciting. You see, it was the beginning of the year and all (according to me) was going on well. I had a promising job, I had just started a business that seemed to be starting well, I had been serving in a ministry that had been bearing fruits, my circle of friends was increasing and I was about to start a relationship that I saw would be awesome. What more could I have asked for?
It wasn’t until nine days later that everything started falling apart. In less than two weeks, it turned out that the relationship that I had thought would work was not going anywhere and I had to just let go. It took close to a month to mourn and let go. Just before I had completed my mourning process, I was informed by my then supervisor at work that my contract would not be renewed because the organization was overstaffed and they were retrenching. That hit me so hard bearing in mind that I had it all figured out financially. I was just about to enroll for a master’s degree; therefore, losing my job meant that I had to put that on hold. I only had one month to leave my job and the amount of my savings would not be enough to pay for a semester’s fee of my intended course. Furthermore, I had taken a loan from a friend to start my small farming business and I was hoping that I would use my formal job’s salary to repay my loan.
However, after losing the contract, all was not immediately lost because I was able to negotiate with my friend and promise that I would repay the loan 4 months later when i expected that the business would start giving returns. I left the job after my contract was over and I stayed home taking care of my business and looking for and praying hard for a new job. My friends and family became so supportive and I was able to meet my needs, hang out with friends and serve in ministry.
However, one month later, I lost a friendship. You see, I trust very easily. However, for one to be at the level of a close friend that I can share my life with, it takes hard work for me and in me. I also love my close friends so much and would do anything to keep them. Therefore, being this kind of a person, losing that friendship hurt me so badly and it took me so long to recover. Before I had mourned my loss, my business started doing so badly. My rabbits would give birth and the young rabbits would die. I thought it would just happen once but this continued and so for the next 5 months, that was the trend. I tried all ways and cures but none worked, did I give up? Yes I did, I was so stressed and would not share what I was feeling with anyone. I had a commitment to repay the loan I had taken, I needed money to sustain myself and I still had a dream to upgrade my studies. I could not share with anyone and I withdrew from everyone. This affected my friendships and my relationship with my family.
I was only left with serving in the church. However, I did not want to go to church in order to avoid getting emotional during prayer time while expressing my problems to God. so I never used to attend the services but would only attend the teen’s service where I was serving or go on high school missions on Sundays. That, I must say was not very easy; praying had become difficult and would not want to tell God about my problems; because just thinking about them was painful. However,while serving I met this girl from church who had gone through so much. She had struggled so much in her life. However,her life now seemed a complete opposite of what it used to be. Her parents had struggled to raise her and after high school, she had to struggle and work odd jobs to raise fee for a certificate course, then a diploma and later a degree though she had qualified to join university immediately after high school but could not afford it. Listening to her story encouraged me, though I was not able to share what was going on in my life, her story somehow helped me start recovering.
As I started recovering, I was now able to pray and ask God to help me. Slowly, God started reminding me of His promises in my life. I was now able to express to God my feelings and even relate with my friends and family well and even pray for them and with them. As I recovered, I remember one day I had asked for God to perform a miracle for me. I had that business loan that I needed to repay. It was just 2 days before the due date and I did not have any money to repay it. I remember it was my mum’s birthday so I decided to call her to wish her happy birthday. So as we conversed, she started asking me personal questions and could not help but breakdown into tears. She insisted that i tell her what was wrong and so I told her all what I was going through. Although she did not offer a solution, I felt relieved after that and for the first time, I shared my personal life issues with my mum, which has never happened before.
That evening, my dad called me and explained that he knew what had been going on in my life. He was kind of mad at me because I had not told him what I had been going through. However, he cleared my debt and in addition to that, paid my fee for a postgraduate program. Was I happy? Of course I was. Everything was coming back to normal. However, 2 months later I was called for a job interview to a place away from where I had been living. At first I was reluctant to go because I could not imagine leaving ministry, part of my family and my friends behind. However, after much praying, I found peace, went for the interview and got the job. I had to move to a new place where I did not know anyone but I have found so much peace and rest. In addition to that I am able to continue with my postgraduate studies from my new location. I have a gracious boss and wonderful colleagues. I am closer to my parents than before, I am making new friends and my old friends keep in touch. I have found a church where I go to worship every Sunday. The best thing about all that however is that I have found rest, I have more time to spend alone with God and I have time to write and share all this. i may not have really figured out why He brought me here but I am so grateful to God. It did not go as I expected but it eventually turned out well.
God bless you, keep reading.
It wasn’t until nine days later that everything started falling apart. In less than two weeks, it turned out that the relationship that I had thought would work was not going anywhere and I had to just let go. It took close to a month to mourn and let go. Just before I had completed my mourning process, I was informed by my then supervisor at work that my contract would not be renewed because the organization was overstaffed and they were retrenching. That hit me so hard bearing in mind that I had it all figured out financially. I was just about to enroll for a master’s degree; therefore, losing my job meant that I had to put that on hold. I only had one month to leave my job and the amount of my savings would not be enough to pay for a semester’s fee of my intended course. Furthermore, I had taken a loan from a friend to start my small farming business and I was hoping that I would use my formal job’s salary to repay my loan.
However, after losing the contract, all was not immediately lost because I was able to negotiate with my friend and promise that I would repay the loan 4 months later when i expected that the business would start giving returns. I left the job after my contract was over and I stayed home taking care of my business and looking for and praying hard for a new job. My friends and family became so supportive and I was able to meet my needs, hang out with friends and serve in ministry.
However, one month later, I lost a friendship. You see, I trust very easily. However, for one to be at the level of a close friend that I can share my life with, it takes hard work for me and in me. I also love my close friends so much and would do anything to keep them. Therefore, being this kind of a person, losing that friendship hurt me so badly and it took me so long to recover. Before I had mourned my loss, my business started doing so badly. My rabbits would give birth and the young rabbits would die. I thought it would just happen once but this continued and so for the next 5 months, that was the trend. I tried all ways and cures but none worked, did I give up? Yes I did, I was so stressed and would not share what I was feeling with anyone. I had a commitment to repay the loan I had taken, I needed money to sustain myself and I still had a dream to upgrade my studies. I could not share with anyone and I withdrew from everyone. This affected my friendships and my relationship with my family.
I was only left with serving in the church. However, I did not want to go to church in order to avoid getting emotional during prayer time while expressing my problems to God. so I never used to attend the services but would only attend the teen’s service where I was serving or go on high school missions on Sundays. That, I must say was not very easy; praying had become difficult and would not want to tell God about my problems; because just thinking about them was painful. However,while serving I met this girl from church who had gone through so much. She had struggled so much in her life. However,her life now seemed a complete opposite of what it used to be. Her parents had struggled to raise her and after high school, she had to struggle and work odd jobs to raise fee for a certificate course, then a diploma and later a degree though she had qualified to join university immediately after high school but could not afford it. Listening to her story encouraged me, though I was not able to share what was going on in my life, her story somehow helped me start recovering.
As I started recovering, I was now able to pray and ask God to help me. Slowly, God started reminding me of His promises in my life. I was now able to express to God my feelings and even relate with my friends and family well and even pray for them and with them. As I recovered, I remember one day I had asked for God to perform a miracle for me. I had that business loan that I needed to repay. It was just 2 days before the due date and I did not have any money to repay it. I remember it was my mum’s birthday so I decided to call her to wish her happy birthday. So as we conversed, she started asking me personal questions and could not help but breakdown into tears. She insisted that i tell her what was wrong and so I told her all what I was going through. Although she did not offer a solution, I felt relieved after that and for the first time, I shared my personal life issues with my mum, which has never happened before.
That evening, my dad called me and explained that he knew what had been going on in my life. He was kind of mad at me because I had not told him what I had been going through. However, he cleared my debt and in addition to that, paid my fee for a postgraduate program. Was I happy? Of course I was. Everything was coming back to normal. However, 2 months later I was called for a job interview to a place away from where I had been living. At first I was reluctant to go because I could not imagine leaving ministry, part of my family and my friends behind. However, after much praying, I found peace, went for the interview and got the job. I had to move to a new place where I did not know anyone but I have found so much peace and rest. In addition to that I am able to continue with my postgraduate studies from my new location. I have a gracious boss and wonderful colleagues. I am closer to my parents than before, I am making new friends and my old friends keep in touch. I have found a church where I go to worship every Sunday. The best thing about all that however is that I have found rest, I have more time to spend alone with God and I have time to write and share all this. i may not have really figured out why He brought me here but I am so grateful to God. It did not go as I expected but it eventually turned out well.
God bless you, keep reading.
Holiness through Him
Why did David, a godly man, go to the extent of killing Uriah after sleeping with his wife? Was it enough that he had slept with his wife and made her pregnant? Why did he have to go to that extent and cause Uriah more harm...? Sometimes back I found myself asking such questions. It wasn’t until a few days ago that I realized why David had to do all that. I have come to realize that many times as Christians, we desire to remain holy, pure and blameless. Although our greatest desire is to please God, we also have a desire to appear holy to others. We want to be seen as good examples to others and we don’t want to be with blame.
However, looking at this episode in David’s life, I realize from the beginning, everything was wrong. The bible says in 2 Samuel 11 that it was the time when kings went to war together with their soldiers. However, we see that David did not go to war and it was during this time that he went up the roof and saw a naked woman taking a bath. ‘Being of the flesh’, David decided to keep looking, to call for her and he slept with her and she became pregnant. However, we see that when David realized that he had done the wrong thing he tried to cover his mistake (please man/ try be holy by his own strength). He called home Uriah home hoping that Uriah would sleep with his wife but the plan did not work. This is where we see David deciding to have Uriah killed and just as he planned, Uriah died and David took the widow.
This seemed ok to David until when it came to his true realization through the man of God that he had really sinned not just against man but also against God. To David, the death of Uriah was a solution because his sin of adultery had been covered and no one would know that he had done it. It was a secret between him and Bathsheba. However, it wasn’t unknown to God. David being a man of God had another power/ authority to answer to. This was God who had not made Himself known to David but was also the reason for his success in life, the God who had made him king and won battles for him. This realization brought David to his knees in repentance.
Looking at that whole episode in David’s life, I see many of us. Many times I have made a promise not to sin against God, to remain holy. I try so many times and I keep on breaking these promises. We always have it all wrong from the beginning. We disobey and put ourselves in compromising situations and when we sin, instead of repenting, we choose to cover our sins and try to look holy to the outsides. However, deep inside, the spirit of God convicts us of our failure. Because of this, we begin to condemn ourselves and see ourselves as failures. This causes us to get hopeless in trying to be holy.However, we always go back to God in repentance because we know we have no other better place to be except to be with him. We desire to be holy but we have it all wrong about holiness.
The bible says that we were born sinners and we needed a savior to save us. We always have the spirit and the flesh fighting against each other in us. This is never about whether we are spiritually mature or not. In the book of Romans, Paul talks about doing what he doesn’t want to do and this is what we always face. Our greatest desire, just like Paul, is always to walk in the ways of God and not to give in to sin. However, we need to realize that it is not in our power to do right by our own. We need to realize that we did not save ourselves; we are not the ones who require holiness from ourselves. However, God is the one who requires us to be holy. Many times I have fallen and broken my promises to remain holy and blameless. However, I thank God for He has made me realize that I can’t be holy on my own, that I need Him to help me. Therefore my prayer has changed from “I want to be holy” to “God be the holiness in me that you require from me”. This is because I know that when He becomes holiness in me, though He will have to change so much in me which might be painful, I will not require to struggle to be holy. I pray that this will be your prayer too.
God bless you!
However, looking at this episode in David’s life, I realize from the beginning, everything was wrong. The bible says in 2 Samuel 11 that it was the time when kings went to war together with their soldiers. However, we see that David did not go to war and it was during this time that he went up the roof and saw a naked woman taking a bath. ‘Being of the flesh’, David decided to keep looking, to call for her and he slept with her and she became pregnant. However, we see that when David realized that he had done the wrong thing he tried to cover his mistake (please man/ try be holy by his own strength). He called home Uriah home hoping that Uriah would sleep with his wife but the plan did not work. This is where we see David deciding to have Uriah killed and just as he planned, Uriah died and David took the widow.
This seemed ok to David until when it came to his true realization through the man of God that he had really sinned not just against man but also against God. To David, the death of Uriah was a solution because his sin of adultery had been covered and no one would know that he had done it. It was a secret between him and Bathsheba. However, it wasn’t unknown to God. David being a man of God had another power/ authority to answer to. This was God who had not made Himself known to David but was also the reason for his success in life, the God who had made him king and won battles for him. This realization brought David to his knees in repentance.
Looking at that whole episode in David’s life, I see many of us. Many times I have made a promise not to sin against God, to remain holy. I try so many times and I keep on breaking these promises. We always have it all wrong from the beginning. We disobey and put ourselves in compromising situations and when we sin, instead of repenting, we choose to cover our sins and try to look holy to the outsides. However, deep inside, the spirit of God convicts us of our failure. Because of this, we begin to condemn ourselves and see ourselves as failures. This causes us to get hopeless in trying to be holy.However, we always go back to God in repentance because we know we have no other better place to be except to be with him. We desire to be holy but we have it all wrong about holiness.
The bible says that we were born sinners and we needed a savior to save us. We always have the spirit and the flesh fighting against each other in us. This is never about whether we are spiritually mature or not. In the book of Romans, Paul talks about doing what he doesn’t want to do and this is what we always face. Our greatest desire, just like Paul, is always to walk in the ways of God and not to give in to sin. However, we need to realize that it is not in our power to do right by our own. We need to realize that we did not save ourselves; we are not the ones who require holiness from ourselves. However, God is the one who requires us to be holy. Many times I have fallen and broken my promises to remain holy and blameless. However, I thank God for He has made me realize that I can’t be holy on my own, that I need Him to help me. Therefore my prayer has changed from “I want to be holy” to “God be the holiness in me that you require from me”. This is because I know that when He becomes holiness in me, though He will have to change so much in me which might be painful, I will not require to struggle to be holy. I pray that this will be your prayer too.
God bless you!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)